Switchers
by ILoanADogma
Summary: Ah, what happens when two teens are placed at Hogwarts? Forced to be someone they aren't? If you've ever dreamed of seeing a raging mob of hormally driven teens at Hogwarts, then this is your story.
1. Default Chapter

Well, I can't say it's pretty, but I can say it was fun.  
  
(Disclaimer): Yes all the people used in this story are real, save for the harry potter characters whom they represent, who happen to belong to a certain wonderful author. Anywho, lots of inside/personal humor here, so if something happens to fly over your head (whooooosh look there it goes!) don't worry about it. Hope this brings amusement to your day, (I know it did just writing it) and enjoy.  
  
*NEW* After looking at the old format of this, which wasn't exactly 'reader' friendly, I decided to re-format it, with SPACING! So here goes.  
  
It was a typical Friday night, despite the fact that El Nino decided to pay a random visit to the small town of Bellefonte. There, inside a cheaply furnished Mike's video, two friends stood.  
  
Sarah, known widely for her super bushy/lethal/deadly/OH MY GOD WHAT'S THAT ON YOUR HEAD? hair, was browsing the comedy department. Come on, everyone loved a good comedy. Anything else was just, well, er,.. Anyway, she scanned the rows of tapes with her teddy bear brown eyes, and looked over at her companion.  
  
Tom, with his blonde hair and green eyes, (A/N ok, ok, I've never actually peered into his eyeballs long enough to tell, but I'm pretty sure they're green. If not, correct me Thomas ;-)) had been fingering the candy bars up front, not really interested in movies that night. Sarah, sensing this depressive mood, gave him a playful punch on the shoulder.  
  
"Come on Thomas, be happy!!!"  
  
She gave him an insane grin and started to prance about the store.  
  
"Happy! Happy! Happy!"  
  
Tom grinned, despite himself. Who could watch Sarah prance around like that and not laugh? Sarah bounded back beside him, and put an arm around his shoulder.  
  
"Come on, let's get out of here."  
  
Tom shrugged. They both walked towards the exit, passing the Harry Potter display and approaching the metal detector. But they never made it to the door. Remember El Nino? Hehe. Well, either Tom had skipped his band lesson that day, or Sarah had cheated on her Biology homework, because right at that moment a big 'ol bolt of lightning came down from above and smacked through the cheaply bought glass, hitting our good buds dead square. Hey, dead square! Get it? Dead? Ook.  
  
*Shutting up*  
  
Moving on, our heroes (hey what is this? A comic?) got a good 1,000 volts sent down their spinal cords. Now, I'm not a scientist or doctor or some other smart person, but I think something like that could knock a person out. Which it did. So, naturally, when Sarah and Thomas finally regained their consciousness, it was to find themselves face down on the floor of a v. shiny hallway. Maybe it was the pain of their noses being squashed on the hard tile floor like that, or it could have been the chorus of screaming teenagers that woke them up. I'll let you pick. (What is this? A goosebump book?) Anywho, they woke up.  
  
"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!" The teens screamed.  
  
"AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!!! Tom and Sarah echoed.  
  
"AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!"  
  
"AAAAAHH!!!"  
  
"AH AH AH!"  
  
"Ah?" 


	2. Chapter 2

"Ok, what are you doing?!?!"  
  
A red headed kid in a black robe asked. Tom sat up and rubbed his throbbing head. He thinks Sarah kicked him on the way down.  
  
"What are you talking about? And where did you come from?" Sarah demanded.  
  
The red headed kid rolled his eyes and looked at one of his friends, a boy with jet-black hair and deep, green eyes.  
  
"Uh. Potions. like you." He shot another look at the black headed boy.  
  
"And, why are you down on the FLOOR with him?!?!?"  
  
At this announcement, everyone around them started laughing. This gave Tom time to look around. They were in an enormous hallway, huge. Peering around, he noticed all the doors located in their particular hallway. He concluded they must be in some type of old college or something. Sarah on the other hand, didn't like people laughing at her, and started to turn beet red.  
  
"Yeah," A girl in a black robe snorted. "And why are you wearing such stupid clothing?"  
  
Ok, that did it. Sarah jumped up and grabbed the unlucky girl by the throat.  
  
"How dare you!! How dare you insult him! He can't help it!" She yelled, gesturing wildly at Tom, who was still staring up at them from the floor.  
  
Now, I'm sure our good buddy would have had a remarkable comeback, but he was cut off by the arrival of another group of teens in black robes. The only difference between the two groups was the little emblems on their shoulders.  
  
"These Gryffindors giving you trouble?" Said a particularly beefy kid. Tom turned.  
  
"What? Me?!" He squeaked.  
  
This kid was really big, his fist looked big enough to make a dent in a cement block.  
  
"I said," He began again, picking Tom off the floor. "Were these losers bothering you?"  
  
Before Tom could reply, the group of newcomers had formed a semi-circle around him. Weird.  
  
"Um.. no. They're fine. Really."  
  
The kid immediately stopped pounding his hammer-like fist into his palm and frowned. The black headed kid stepped up.  
  
"You better watch it Crabbe." He said. Tom watched in fascination as the first group of robed kids started to brush Sarah off and pulled her into the group, shielding her from view.  
  
"Wha.." He began to say, but got no further since he was being pushed along by "Crabbe".  
  
"Come on, let's get out of here." He sneered. Tom tried to wrench away and look behind him, but all he could see was the first group of teens, going in the other direction. Sarah was being shoved along also, no doubt.  
  
"HEY! Watch it! NO ONE shoves ME!" *Smack* Yep, Sarah was being "guided" as well.  
  
As for Tom, no one in his group was saying much, except for the occasional "scum" comment that was thrown at the backs of the other group. Now, away from the only person he knew, he was getting a bit nervous. He had no idea what he was doing here, or how he got here? Damn it, all he wanted was a Snickers. And look what happened. Tom didn't have much time to think this over however, for he was brought to a stop in front of a stone?! wall. A girl walked in front of him.  
  
"Hey, what's the password again?" She asked.  
  
"Er. password?" He said nervously.  
  
"Oh yeah!" The girl slapped her hand to her forehead. "That's right! It's "password!"  
  
And with that, the stone wall opened to reveal a cozy little room lined w/ poofy armchairs and sporting a huge fireplace. Tom stared. Crabbe stepped in front of him inside, and started up a flight of spiral steps.  
  
"Come on," He said. "I don't know what those Gryffindor scum did to your robe, but let's get you a new one." Not knowing what else to do, Tom followed to linebacker up the steps. They entered a room reading "5th Years". Crabbe walked over to a trunk and dug out a robe identical to that one he was wearing. (Though not in size, we don't want to drown poor Thomas in black fabric, it would be a most humiliating death.) Tom awkwardly put the robe on, and looked at himself in the mirror. At least I'll blend in, he thought. Until I can find Sarah and get the heck out of here. Wherever here is. Thinking of Sarah made him nervous all over again. He had no clue where he was, or who these people were. He only hoped Sarah was faring better.  
  
Sarah actually was faring better. I suppose though it depends on your view of "better". She flopped down on a bed covered in a bright floral pattern. (Ugh, she HATED floral patterns, but the other girls there had insisted that she loved them and that perhaps she hit her head too hard on the floor back there.) Oh well. They didn't concern her. What did concern her were all the books she found under her bed. Sure, she liked to read just as much as the next person, but this was ridiculous. Scattering the books all over the floor, (being able to actually SEE the carpet disturbed her) she rolled over and tried to fall asleep. She wasn't concerned about anything; nothing was a mystery to her. This was a vacation, a little get away from the real world and hey, it wasn't school. (Or so she thought.) As for Tom, he was a big boy; he could take care of himself. Sarah suddenly frowned. Ah well, she decided to shake it off, deal with it in the morning. I mean come on, this was a vacation! Couldn't she have a little fun? 


	3. Chapter 3

Tap. Tap. Tap tap! TAP! TASSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!  
  
Tom bolted out of bed, ready to high kick anything that came close. What he expected to see was not a massive owl standing almost proudly amidst the shards of broken glass on the carpet. In its beak was a black envelope. Strange. Cautiously approaching the animal, Tom picked up the letter it had dropped on the floor. Seeing its parcel safety delivered, the owl turned towards the window and lifted off into the sky. With a wingspan like that of an eagle's, the owl flapped hard, cuffing Tom hard 'round the head as it went, causing him to step backwards. He watched silently as the owl flew off into the rising sun, until it was no more than a speck among the cotton clouds.  
  
CRASH! Thunk. "Owww."  
  
Tom spun around from the window, once more in high kick mode. Seeing it was only another kid in a black robe, he relaxed. About three centimeters. This new person looked a lot like "Crabbe" in stature, but obviously wasn't as bright. He stood there in the doorway, rubbing the back of his head. Tom started breathing again. He slipped the letter into his robes.  
  
"What do you want?" Tom said as evenly as he could.  
  
The boy scrunched up his face, as if thinking very hard. It got all red, and his eyes started to bug out. Tom watched in fascination. If he continued in this manner, he would more than likely blow up like an overcooked hot dog. (A/N: Yummy!)  
  
Then, like a sun peaking out through a storm, relief washed over the boy's face.  
  
"Crabbe wants me to see where you are. You should have been down in the common a half hour ago." The boy looked immensely pleased with himself, and he turned to walk down the spiral staircase, pulling up his robes as he went. Dumbstruck, Tom followed him down until he was in what seemed like a living room gone gothic. There were chairs, (black lazy-boys) a fireplace, and a section of tables in a corner where a few people seemed to be reading. The walls were stone. The carpet was black. It was deathly cold in the corners of the room; it seemed the only way one could avoid hypothermia was to sit beside the fire. Which he did. Sinking into a chair, he thought once more of where the hell he was. His thoughts were interrupted however, when he felt eyes stabbing into his back. Turning, he saw everyone in the room was staring at him. He turned around and faced the fire once more, not sure what to do. He stared into the dancing flames, trying to forget about the stares. He pulled out the letter and opened it. 'Draco, ' Tom looked up. Who the hell was this Draco guy anyway? 'This is your father, and I've come to remind you about the yearly Slytherin tradition. It's not every day you get to properly put a mudblood in her place. Have fun, and don't forget the memory charm once you're done. Don't want Dumbledore knowing anything that would, ah, upset him. -L.M. ' Yeah, I know this one's short. Bear with me. (TBC) 


	4. Chapter 4

Ah......spring break. Such a wonderful time for writing, relaxation, and it's one hell of a remedy for writer's block. Just a note for you readers; some of the jokes in here were pulled from a MAD magazine issue where they did a Harry Potter Parody. So, Yeah. Reviews are welcomed, makes so much less work for me. Enjoy.  
  
Tom awoke the following morning. He opened his eyes and blinked a few times. Obviously he had been more fatigued than he thought, because he was still in the arm chair in front of the fire, which was now smouldering. (House elves must be falling behind......) Trying to remember why he was here, the note slowly drifted back into his conscience. Looking around wildly, he found it lying on the carpet beside the chair. He reread it carefully. Who was this girl anyway? He didn't have a girlfriend... that he was aware of. Completely baffled, he headed out the stone door and down the hall, forgetting everything else, he was so lost in the note. It wasn't until he bumped into another person that he realized where he was. Looking down, he saw it was (yet another) kid in a black robe, but with a yellow collar, rather than a red or green one.  
  
"Sorry." Tom mumbled, and he gave the kid a hand up. The kid gave him a strange look, as if it wasn't proper for him to go around helping peopole.  
  
"What do you think you're playing at?" The kid said angrily, walking away.  
  
Shaking it off, Tom followed the kid down the ocrridor and some steps into what seemed like a gigantic banquet hall. He watched as the kid sat down at a table with other yellow collared kids, and Tom looked around, despairing, not knowing where to go. Then he recognized that Crabbe guy from before, and walked over.  
  
"Hey!" Crabbe called, hitting Tom on the back. "Where ya been?"  
  
Not being able to answer, Tom sat down. He was vaguely aware that his whole table was full of green collars. He looked down at the extra shirt that had been loaned to him. Yep, green collar. Further thoughts of this were driven from his mind, however, when he heard a yell.  
  
"NOOOOOO! You can't make meeeeeeeee!"  
  
All heads snapped towards the great oak doors to see four Gryffindor girls (or to Tom four girls in black robes with red collars) struggling through, panting, dragging another Gryffindor girl behind them. The one girl was resisting all attempts to go into the banquet hall, and was seemingly trying to take her robe off.  
  
"Sarah!" Tom whispered to himself.  
  
"Come on 'Erm, just leave it on already!" Panted one girl, her voice full of pleading. "I don't understand what's going on......, she's never been like this......" Another girl gasped. "Maybe she's sick." Offered the other, her face red with exertion.  
  
"NO NO NO NO! Am NOT wearing tacky black robe! I WANT MY SIMPLE PLAN HOODIE BACK!"  
  
Outnumbering her four to one, Sarah was eventually dragged to one of the tables with the others girls and forced down. She sat there, arms crossed, lower lip quivering with an anticipated pout. Sarah was NOT a happy bunny today.  
  
"What do you think her problem is?" Whispered a kid with flaming red hair. "Dunno," Said his friend, a boy with jet black hair and breathtakingly green eyes. "Maybe she failed something......"  
  
All pretenses of acting stubborn (and pouting) were forgotten by our lovely captive however when the food arrived. Hey, she may have loved her hoodie, but food was FOOD. And this was good food. Ok, so a lot of it was British, but chocolate trifle was chocolate trifle. Perhaps she'd wait a little longer to contact dear Thomas......  
  
Meanwhile, Tom's mind was racing over at his table. He wasn't touching any of the food in front of him, something his tablemates were noticing.  
  
"Hey what's wrong Dra? Why aren'tcha eating?"  
  
Moving swiftly, Tom got up from the table. He weaved his way through the three other tables and hungry students, finally circling around the table where Sarah was happily feasting away. He stopped where he could see Sarah's face, and waved a bit, not sure how to get her attention. Sarah didn't apparently notice, so Tom waved a little bigger. Feeling quite foolish, he decided to take the direct approach. He briskly walked up to her and tapped her on the shoulder. She turned around and looked at him in shock.  
  
"Thomas!" She squealed, and gave him a big hug.  
  
Immediately all action ceased. Chatter was abandoned, mouths hung open, extra pieces of bacon fell from hungry hands. Most of the staring was coming from the table Tom came from, and of course Sarah's table. The kid with red hair stood up.  
  
"What are you doing?" He asked slowly, voice quivering with anger. Tom was once again lost, and he figured as the kid approached with raised fists that it was time to revert to high kick mode once more. Not necessary, however.  
  
"Ron, chill, I got this." Said the kid with black hair, speaking with excrutiating calm. Red head sat down. Reluctantly unballed his fist. Progress. Raven head walked up to Tom, directly, staring him down. He then snapped his head at Sarah.  
  
"Why?" He asked, voice barely above a whisper.  
  
Sarah cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"Why what?"  
  
"Why are you HUGGING HIM?"  
  
"Er.....Gee..... he's my friend?"  
  
Cue the collective gasps.  
  
"What?"  
  
Both of the astonished teens (yes Ron and Harry for all you mentally challenged out there) took out their wands and pointed them at Tom.  
  
"Ok," Harry began. "What have you done to Hermione?"  
  
Sarah just sighed, blowing up a strand of hair that had fallen in her face, like this didn't concern her.  
  
"Just like boys, both on the verge of puberty to whip out their wands at the first sign of pressure......"  
  
Tom leaned in.  
  
"Sarah, I think we should leave......NOW."  
  
"You're not going anywhere! Gryffindors! Are you with me?"  
  
Cue group cheer.  
  
At that moment Crabbe strode over.  
  
"Fellow Slytherins! We shall not abandon one of own, especially the one who's father pays the salaries of all our parents, will we?"  
  
Cue group cheer, take two.  
  
Tom tugged on Sarah's robe frantically, realizing just how deep in the shit they were now. They both made a break for it, running, just running like......(A/N: oooook, thought I promised not to do that anymore.) Anywho, they ran, and were pursued by a bunch of hormonally driven homicidal teenagers. If that wasn't enough, the yellow and blue? collared kids had decided to help and 'stop' Thomas, by throwing things at him and trying to trip him. Yet Tom ran bravely forward, trying as best he could to deflect the spoonfuls of porridge being chucked at his face. He couldn't understand it; it was like every kid in that school wanted to see his brain beaten into a pulp. Yet he ran. It then took him 4.5 seconds (a record timing) to realize Sarah was no longer striding beside him. He turned his head quickly to look behind him, and noticed through all the murderous faces that a closet door was being shut. (A/N: For all you Lord of the Rings people out there, this is for you. Harry Potter people, I'll leave you a footnote at the end of the story explaining this......)  
  
*(1)Cue the Lord of the Rings scene, with Tom bringing his black belt karate hands to his forhead in blessing as Aragorn did with his sword, then charging stupidly into the herd of Orcs, or rather the herd of homicidal, hormally driven teenagers.  
  
"Aiiiiiiiieeeeee!!!!" He cried, throwing his body into the mash of flesh. He dove down towards the door, turned the handle, and all in one motion dragged himself in, closing (locking!) the door behind him.  
  
THUMP THUMP THUMP! "Come out you pathetic hump of slime!"  
  
*(2)"Go fuck ze goat!" Tom called back through the door.  
  
"Nice."  
  
Tom spun around, remembering the reason for the suicidal leap.  
  
"Ok, what was that about?" Tom asked, gesturing to Sarah, who was bound with ducktape. (It fixes everything doncha know!)  
  
"You got the note, correct?" Crabbe asked, ignoring his question.  
  
"Uh......yes, but could you PLEASE let her go so we can escape here ALIVE?"  
  
Crabbe narrowed his eyes. "If you read the note, then you know what's going on, correct?"  
  
Cue the dumb look. Come on, you know the one.  
  
"We're going to take care of this before she comes back, at least that was the request."  
  
"She.......?"  
  
A raven haired 'Slytherin' sneered. "I'm NOT staying here all day, you hear those Gryffindors! The Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws are probably out there as well! I wouldn't be surprised if Dumbledore gets involved, the fool muggle lover. Let's get this over with!" With that he withdrew his wand, and pointed it at Sarah. Sarah worked her legs loose and kicked out at the kid, catching him low in the gut. Owie.  
  
"WHY YOU FILTHY MUDBLO...."  
  
Tom knew this was turning bad, and switched to high kick mode, but this time actually turning it on.  
  
Cue the pretty lights and comic book 'POW' blurbs.  
  
For the courtesy of those squeamish readers, we'll let that little thing called 'imagination' (A/N: so THAT'S what those rampaging creative demons in my head are called?) dream up the fight scene. But for now, let's move on. Preferably to the part where Sarah and Tom make their grand escape, through the front castle doors and out onto the grounds, now with every secondary character after their blood. Just as they reached the grounds, it began to downpour.  
  
"Oh that's just PERFECT!" Tom called out.  
  
"Oh quit whining and MOVE!" Sarah yelled back, pulling on his sleeve. They both started running towards the forest that was in the background, passing by a hut with an extremely hairy man sitting on the stoop, who was too busy singing "*(3)Ah'm a loomberjack an' Ah'm ook, Ah work all night an' Ah sleep all daaaay......" to notice them running past, or to notice the angry mob pursuing. Not knowing what else to do, they plunged into the heart of the forest, amidst the hurricane that seemed to come out of nowhere. (A/N: Ah ha, told ya El Nino would return!) They reached a clearing in the thick woods, and not hearing any signs of pursuit, sat on a log amist the downpour. Only to be surrounded by spiders. Sarah cocked her head.  
  
"Tom, I don't think we're in *(4)Mirkwood anymore."  
  
"NOT FUNNY Sarah!"  
  
The spiders circled in, and Tom and Sarah probably would have been spider chow, except for the fact that another bolt of lightning shot down from the sky and struck both of our heroes. Another how many volts? traveled down their spines, and everything went all darkish and black.  
  
Both of them woke up, lying in a gutter outside Mike's videos, soaked to the bone. They looked at each other, then around them. They still had the robes on, which were now clinging to their drenched bodies like a second skin. Tom pointed to an overhand on the building across the street, and Sarah nodded. Once under cover, Sarah took her now extremely er, interestingly wet hair and squeezed all the water out of it. Tom looked up at her, fingering the robe.  
  
"You know what I'm thinking?"  
  
Sarah grinned, a wide smile being revealed and michevious eyes lighting up.  
  
"Ebay."  
  
"Exactly."  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
Footnotes  
  
*(1) This is a scene from Lord of the Rings, Fellowship of the Ring, where the one character Aragorn charges blindly into an army of Orcs (butt ugly goblin monster demon spawn) to battle for the lives of the hobbits.  
  
*(2) This is one of Tom's trademark sayings, which originally is "Fuck me, fuck ze goat." Quite funny, actually.  
  
*(3) yay! The Lumberjack song from Monty Python, a classic.  
  
*(4) Mirkwood is a forest in Lord of the Rings, and in this forest lives deadly spiders who eat people. Is it just me, or is this one heck of a coincedence?  
  
!@#$%^$##WHAT!@##$JUST@!##$$%$%HAPPENED?!@#@#*$&#(*  
  
Epilogue  
  
Two teens were busy in the hallways, walking to their next class. The girl had just come from Potions, likewise the boy. They brushed by each other, one throwing some cruel insult, the other rolling their eyes and continuing. They were just passing by each then when suddenly they weren't there anymore...... They felt themselves floating, floating, then stopping. Everything was dark, and cramped. Too cramped.  
  
"Ah! What happened?" Cried the girl.  
  
"Hey! What is this?" Echoed the boy.  
  
"I can't see......AH I CAN"T MOVE EITHER!"  
  
"It's so cramped in here! AIR! AIR! LOSING AIR!"  
  
Meanwhile, students of the Bellefonte High school passed by in the hallways, not noticing the two fictional Hogwarts teens that were seemingly trapped inside the lockers of Tom and Sarah.  
  
Now, be a happy bunny and leave a review. Also, check out some of my other stories, including a sequel to Switchers. 


End file.
